I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
