Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
