oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
