i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
