I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
