so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i think my cat just said my name.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
