I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
