You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
