i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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