And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
