make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
