Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
