Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
