Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
