fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
