i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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