kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
