Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
