Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
