I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
