I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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