dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
