I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
