just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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