oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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