come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
