They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
