So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
