Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
