I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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