I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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