I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
