I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
