I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
