I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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