it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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