i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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