I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
