I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
