Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
