Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
