Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
