we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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