She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
