WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
