i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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