I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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