I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
