I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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