Umm I'm too high to move.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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