Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
