that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
