I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
