So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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