farters have to be the big spoon...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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