i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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