I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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