Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had to cum in my sink.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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