He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
