you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize