I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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