doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
