I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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