Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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