he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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