The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize