Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ttyl tear gas
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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