This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
