Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
