i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
