everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
