I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
