He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
