the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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