Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
