Screwed.edu
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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