Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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